Who knows.

Dark days. I am told. To have resilience. To have strength. To snap out of it.

How do people know what to do when days are dark, I often wonder. Will these advices work. I often ask.
I don't feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for not trying hard enough. For not being able to battle harder.
For not letting the tears stop their salty pearls from sliding down the cheeks.

I anger over old issues. That injustices are served. Integrity not kept. Promises broken.
I should be used to it by now, no excuses that I am an emotional human being. I don't anger over others. I anger in myself.

I recall the vows I made. I recall the happy smiles when they sing Christmas songs, I see in them, only to really know the pains they sleep with. The blood that bleeds.
I recall seeing the cardboard boxes, folded carefully as if they were blankets, as if they were beds. I recall watching her walk the alley, as if it was her private room.
I watch the one-arm girl smile and play by the coffeehouse, in her pretty white dress.
I do not envy. I do not only want to sympathise. I compel. I will not advertise. I don't talk about actions.

What I can do now is to strengthen resilience, resolve. Maintain my beliefs, be nothing but honest. Be nothing but true to myself, despite the prickly thorns that are little irritants in life. Taken in stride, taken with strength. Resolve.

They were right. It does work.