Wednesday, October 24, 2007

on my knees again...

Spring cleaning and I discovered this... played it on my cassette player and remembered somehow there are just memories you don't want to remember but you don't forget...

I remember the Kancil I drive home after our fights... I listen to Eckhardts voice, the tears, the cigarettes, the wee hours in the morning to seek refuge and calmness amidst the anger...

Or the times you kicked me out of your car, when you call me those names, when you hit so hard...
To be trodden and to be demeaned in the same breaths as I love you...

All those promises you made, those visions you offered us, how selfish were you, how insecure were you... How you shaped the way I perceive people today. I hated you.

It's not worth the energy no more. Her tunes brought me back to a time when I was at my unhappiest.


On my knees again, Tiffany Eckhardt

I don't remember what I said or who I said it to or what I said it for...
I don't remember how I got to when I woke up on the floor...
I know I said that I'd be home but I don't know what happened to the time...
I don't know how I got these bruises on my neck or this madness in my mind...

Somebody help me please, because I'm scared to death of me...
Ok, I admit defeat cos I'm down on my knees again...

I didn't think I'd lose control, I'd really thought I'd be fine...
But then agian you'd think I'd ever known cos it happens every time...
I lose my sight in bright light of the day..
I don't know how it is I could love you so much and hurt you in this way...

Somebody help me please, because I'm scared to death of me...
Ok, I admit defeat cos I'm down on my knees again...

You're such a clever, clever beast, but that whispers it's ok...
that smiling at me cos I'm fading away...
And sorry is such an empty-handed word when it has been heard a 1000 times...
I got to find myself a better way cos I'm wrong and out of lines...

Somebody help me please, because I'm scared to death of me...
Ok, I admit defeat cos I'm down on my knees again...


Friday, October 19, 2007

This song.. came to mind after a long conversation about filial piety...

Corrinne May's Fly Away

"When will you be home?" she asks as we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer to where my dreams may lead
She's watched me as i crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds and yet she says to me

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be prayin every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
SIlver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
"We need you. Please come back"
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be prayin every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
ohh...
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away


When hearts go cold..

You sit in the dark, wait for the next light of hope...You ask, often, let your mind go...
Why, the knots, the pain, the hurt....

You seek the solace, comforts of the familiar... How fragile your heart, you reach...
For the remnances of love, you wished you had wholehearted...

You wonder, why you can't.. Can't let go, of the safe, warm, longing..
Of the love you once thought you held, close to your heart...

You put your hands together... Wipe those salty reminders away...
You resolve, embrace and strengthen....

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

We interrupt this programme..

Again.

Ten reasons why I have temporary (!) insomnia:

1. I've missed my Master's Project deadline by two weeks
2. I am constructing and reconstructing 7,000 odd words to make them flow
3. I have been out of a routine for the last 31 days and have no sense of time (refer back to 1)
4. I met a "past love" and reigniting my TV relationship with him
5. I am relocating!
6. I am excited about watching Pendekar Bujang Lapok again (refer to 3)
7. I can't find my secret whiskey stash - grr
8. I can't conclude the arguments in my head about ethics and blogging
9. Lavender oil keeps me awake
10. I've broken my power tool..... gotcha!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Biar, sings Rossa....

jangan kau pergi lagi meninggalkanku
sepi ku sendiri
jangan kau buat aku terbalut sunyi
kini kau berada dekat denganku

biar, biarkan aku mengisi ruang di hatimu
karena ku selalu memikirkanmu, mencintamu
biar, biarkan cinta bersemu di dalam hatimu
jadikan ku bagian di hidupmu, di jiwamu

ku tak bisa berhenti menginginkanmu
hidup terasa hampa tanpamu


*This must the shortest song I have ever come across.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Sleep-less.

Its been a while,
Been a while since I feel so broken...
Broken and scarred...
Sad and in pain....
Where love cease existence..
Where emptiness prevails...


Tire of trying...
Tire of battling..
Lest I seek to question, again and again..
Whenst pages are shortened... words are erased..
When compromise is reached....


I still hold a torch for unconditional love.. and complete acceptance...
The tears are less.. but..questions remain...
When..when....when....


I still hold the torch, till the body tired, minds jade and
tears run dry...

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Pfth

I hate it when I can't sleep.

Poofta.