Chilly but warm Seoul

It started out serious - ok I didn't look so serious..
but promise.. it was












Then the journey started...




filled with warm coffee, warm coats .. and very warm friends..

















A big thank you to our hosts - at the Korea Press Foundation - and the friends I have made.... It has been one of the more enriching experiences I have had as a working (and cranky) journalist.

Kamsa hamida!

*a big thank you to fantastic photojournalist Jimmy Domingo for all these wonderful photos ..

Of hot chocolate, whiskeys and windy beaches

Posing first before the long road trip














The long winding road.....









It was worth it - the view was spectacular - if only I could get the hair out of my face...






No - seriously, busking is legal in this country...

I collapsed

the other day at farewell drinks in a bar here. (no I was not binge drinking)

Strange.

The odd blackout spells felt somewhat peaceful.

It was as if you just fell asleep in them midst of the noisy chatter.

All is well now - no alarmist type worries.

Still - it is pretty out of the ordinary.

Thank you tho - to those who cushioned my fall

Notes after spring cleaning..

I found a post dated June 2007 in one of my many hidden folders - wondering who was the tiny favour for and why...

I take my small steps, I do not claim to know very much about life and its offerings. I do know one thing though, I am bless with friends that are more valuable than all the money in the world.

What binds us together is not the money, not the power and status that comes with the spending power we have, but the true fact that we know each other and we know each well, in ways that are strange to others.

I often get the notion that I do not behave like I should behave as my gender norms state it. I often get asked why I do not adopt the socially acceptable practices that my gender warrants. Often, I do return home with those questions in my mind, why I am not like the others.

I ramble incessantly, I speak with anger and passion and I care. At least for the little things that impact life. I spoke to someone who recently lost his loved one, in an awful accident, doctors said it was too critical and he could not be saved. That someone appealed to me, I could sense the anxiety in his voice, I could sense the concern and also the anger. He asked for a tiny favour, I pray that his problems will be solved soon.

I can’t say I can change his world for him, but I hope that I played a role in making it better and not reverse it.

It takes a certain type to do what we do. It requires us at the outset to shun all worldly wants and desires and to be content with what little we need, not what we want. It’s a long and winding road and the trail at present seems laden with obstacles, but, as long as we keep on walking, even crawling at times, we will reach the sunset. Rome was not built in a day, and the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

A message sent by a comrade in the same journey. I gain strength from this person, each time and every time.

I hold these words true to myself. Living with the ashes of reality is my belief, not living in a smokescreen of happiness.

I'm in love..

You've touched these tired eyes of mine
And mapped my face line by line
And some how growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart
You wrap your thoughts and works of art
And there hanging on the walls of my heart.

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours.

And though my edge is maybe rough
I never feel I'm quite enough
And it may not seem like very much
But I'm yours.

You healed these scars over time
And braced my soul, you loved my mind
Your the only angel in my life
The day the news came, my best friend died
My knees went weak, and you saw me cry
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes.

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours.

And though my edge is maybe rough
I never feel I'm quite enough
And it may not seem like very much
But I'm yours.

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I don't fit in that much
But I'm yours.

*I'm allowed a rare emotional and poetic moment - it's a beautiful piece, credit to The Script

Ellen Goodman, journalist...

"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it."

Dust off those dancing shoes..

For the first time - in a long time, I partied like a rock star.

Ha. Exaggeration - rephrase. For the first time, in a long time, I went out dancing in a nightclub.

Stop - I can see you roll your eyes from here.

Arriving late - taking too long to dress up and dancing on the makeshift semi-platform all sounds recipe for a girl's night out.

The truth is - I took too long to dress because I felt t-shirts and Birkenstocks don't exactly cut it at a nightclub and also dancing on the makeshift whatchamacallit not really about being a poser in the club but honestly we had no other place to stand on the crowded dance floor.

These little revelations about myself made me think. I never particularly cared how I appeared in crowds (so long I maintained basic hygiene standards) and I never really gave a (hoot) where I should be positioned in the club - on dance floor, at the bar, by the DJ console?

Why did it matter last night?

I then realised being in that rather unfamiliar setting (hey, it HAS been that long since I've out of the cage), initially made me uncomfortable.

I have my reservations about crowds, I have my reservations about people that frequent clubs (of which all is better revealed in person) .. and the number of young kids carrying blackberry-s... (why? do they need to be in communication ALL the time?)

And.. and the cars that rolled up in the car park..

All that materialism shown - is it really important to have a flashy wardrobe and funky gadgets so you will stand out in the crowd?
Or it is important to say they "partied" all night but don't say they were among the many that stared nervously at the empty dance floor.

People hold back but yet want to be liberated.

People outdo each other on all counts but yet want to fit in.

Well - nothing held my mates and I back for sure - it was a dance like there was no tomorrow...
in 19th century wardrobe..

Chapatis,air sirap and dim sum

When I was in Standard One, my two best friends were a Malay girl and a Punjabi girl. I can still recall the long phone conversations I had with them after school. What would 7-year-old girls talk about for hours is one of life's mysteries.

Not only that, we hung out at each other's houses and talked some more and did what children did best - play. Not one moment did it occur to me that I was in a non-Chinese home or that I had chapatis for tea and drank "air sirap".

Fast forward to 2008, I am (ahem) in my 30s and my best friends remain - no, I stand corrected, the circle grew a little more - and now I have close buddies who are Malay, Indian and from mixed ethnicities or are confused. That is not the point. I still did not think twice about having Murtabak Singapura or banana leaf rice - so long the company is good. And the experience enriching.

These thoughts came to me when I read an article on an ex-Minister being quoted on creating Bangsa Malaysia. Whether it may be a popularity stunt or rhetoric, I felt that yes, rightfully said, race really does not matter. As idealistic as it sounds - surely we want the best for Malaysia and Malaysians. No denying that we are all selfish - we want to stand first in line when we collect our road tax rebates, we want the best restaurant service and we want to win the best awards. And when we do not get our way, we use the racial arguments to hide our sour grape attitudes.

The racial tone then, is stemmed from being selfish - not really racial at all. I'm no stranger to that trait - I am guilty of prejudices and ignorance too. While I can strive to change that streak in me (like in the article), can the rest of us too try? We always say we want to be different, but more often than not, we conform saying society made us behave this way and change is difficult.

Is really that difficult? I doubt it. I leafed through a magazine the other day, found a gorgeous Malay style house that I'd love to own. And as often as I can, I help a friend's sister decorate her family's Christmas tree during the December.

I want (and I believe many share my sentiment) to be different - and I want to be part of this change.

And....who cares if I speak English with a Kelantanese accent..:)

Of bus stop protests and beers...

It is that time of the year again.

Where you don your black outfits and yellow ribbons.

The last time we were in such a scenario was when The Sun ran into controversy eight years ago. We stood at Jalan 225, lighting candles and chatting away into the night.

The Candlelight Vigil for our fellow journalist and former ISA detainee was short, and sweet.

Despite the grumblings for the lack of numbers, many still showed up (and dispersed several times), and stayed while the police observed with exasperation.

Our dear colleague was released more than eight hours before the vigil - but yet we stood together. Well, yes, the tone was less serious and it turned out to be a good reunion of sorts - but nevertheless, I was proud to be part of the crew.

Even when the police gave stern orders to disperse, we did not budge, well, maybe a couple more feet in the opposite direction of the loud hailers and riot police (that too is newsworthy - what could journalists do, stab people with their pens?)




Anyhow, jokes aside, it did mark a rather tense period for the country - at least from my view. What scares me most is a small majority of shallow minded (or power hungry and overly ambitious individuals) exercise clout in the few words they say.

While the rest of us can watch, shake our heads, and let out sighs of frustrations.

Someone also joked about the lameness of a bunch of Malaysian journalists - likening us to softies compared with our Asian neighbours during protest rallies.

The South Koreans use steel pipes to clash with police, the Indonesians show their aggression with their numbers and even the Thais made a big chicken rice feast in the weeks outside Government house.

I digress.

I just feel that as much as you don't want to care anymore, you do. And you go to bed thinking (or maybe it IS me) if the political situation will fix itself or if it needs to undergo an ugly phase before the dust settles.

I'm keeping my running shoes by the door..


(pictures courtesy of Stania)

My Mind...

Procrastination Independence Manukan Island Boat Doctorate Sociology United Nations Mount Kinabalu Bangkok Discovery Red Sofa Starbucks Café SKII Asian Development Bank Cupcakes Technology Ruins Peace DNE Interview Producer Melbourne Trams Channel 31 Love Quiet Tyre Swing Coffee on a Rooftop Lorong 5 Glenmorangie Whiskey Rallies Helmet Beers in Tiong Bahru Leona Lewis Migration Nine West Useless Loneliness Guarded Hurt Dalai Lama’s brother turned CIA Translator Zimbabwe Regular Skinny Latte To Go Spinelli’s Barack Obama Sarah Palin Pain Heartbreaking Sobs Blue Skies Click Life in Boxes My Best Friends Pakistan Pilates Husband Pet Cat Authoring a Book Sadness Motorised Gadgets Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Satin Broken Shoes International Herald Tribune Milk and Thistle Christmas Red Socks Mac Book Air Yacht Club in Sentosa Island Tennis Lessons Retreat Camp Robert Kincaid Secrets Empty Heart Trusts No More Miami Ink Looking for Love

It just doesn't get better than this..

The photos do not do the places justice



Who wants to remain










in the
concreteness of it all











when they can soak



















in the colours of life?



How do you detach yourself from the daily buzzes - to just find the simplicities to embrace?
Do you question the importance of the routines that pay for your designer drinks?
Or do you want to let it all go and find beauty in human spirit - I am finding the courage to do so.

Quiet nights and noisy thoughts...

"... it will all get better in time..."

Funny how the unexpected shows up and derails you sometimes.
So much has happened, forcing you to take charge...and hold your dignity.
They say life's lessons can't be taught.. they have to be learnt.

Beautiful moments remain beautiful.
Painful ones are easing away.
How you allow them to weave into your life, is how best you learn life's lessons.

I could not describe how beautiful some of those moments were..
And how painful they (sometimes) make me feel..
And how revelations (or not) hit where I am most vulnerable..

I neither claim I never saw those moments coming..
And I addict myself to its rushes and euphoric uncertainties..
I don't stop.. cos I don't know where I am going..

If mum knew what I was up to last night...

she'd throw her Japanese slippers at me.

Heh. No, this is not a juicy post, but rather a chance to vent my frustrations (along with many Malaysians) of the current political scenario.

I accompanied a freelance radio journalist friend to Jalan Hang Tuah where the said opposition bigwig was detained (freed at current point in time).
Being naturally nosy and itching for excitement, I got a chance to take these amateur photos at the scene.
A shot from the divider(standing underneath the shaky monorail), the police's Federal Reserve Unit stand guard.










While the group of supporters crowd around, amidst the hundreds of press photographers, camera personnel and journalists who jostled to get the best angles.









So I chose to stand next to the FRU line, should jeers or taunts turn into an ugly clash. At least, I thought, I would be facing in the opposite direction should the teargas guns fire away.
Plus, running towards the police station (located behind the FRU line), was the best escape route in my torn sandals.
I guess, more importantly, as I chatted with my weary-eyed friends tasked to cover this long night, the bigger question remains.

Why are Malaysians being dragged into this time consuming and time wasting tussle for power. As cliche-d as it will sound, priorities are misplaced and we forget why we push for transparency and accountability in the first place.

Were we misguided as Malaysians on March 8? Were we misled to believe that there could be hope for at least a better life as a Malaysian?
Idealistic, yes. I believe I am entitled to that, like the rest that voiced their rights that fateful day. And as a person who hates to rant and whine, could we not be pro-active then since the hope that March 8 brought seems to be fading..

I turn 31 this year. I want to be able to tell my friends from other countries that while Malaysia is not perfect, it is home. It is colourful, exciting, slow at times, but it has soul.

But the current spare of events in the past month is embarassing, and disappointing. What can we do as Malaysians. Close one eye? Or both. Do we make plans to pack our lives into boxes (again) and live in places not called home? Or do we carry a placard and holler for our "voices" to be heard (again)? I'll ask Oracle when he distributes flyers in the Ss2 coffeeshops.

What do we do?

Renewing, reflecting and recharging.

That was the central theme of our last meeting in Manila. Renew we did our ties with journalism concepts, values, issues and common challenges. Reflect on the progress made and unmade in the last years of this pursuit of a wider goal and shared vision. And recharge we did.

It did not occur to me that the alumni conference this time was a rather academic one, more importantly, it did not occur to me how strongly I felt for the profession and the values it represent, and the (growing) network that has been built over the years, thanks to the kind donors that gave all of us this opportunity.

You can't help but feel the nostalgia when you go through the class photos, the sleepless nights and the exhausting debates about ethics when deciding material for print and broadcast. You also find yourself laughing contagiously when you remember the jokes, antics and little escapisms you took in this pursuit of excellence.

Keywords that still make me smile or laugh out loud in fond memory - pandesals, Father Bu, UP and that FHM magazine we bought for our Burmese friend.

My eyes have opened much in the last few years, compounded by my brief stint across the Causeway. I do want to capitalise on the opportunities that lie ahead - maybe even make a(nother) brave exit, this time out of the profession. Till then. I will still keep giggling fondly of the best times I have had in Manila.

Posing pretentiously at the fountain on the Ateneo de Manila University campus









And seen here, mucking around
after only one.. one bottle of San Mig Light..










But photojournalist Jimmy Domingo's take of the moment says it all...I absolutely relish it.

Bernoulli's Principle

This theory, which originally was applied to his research in fluids & medicine (particularly blood pressure), helps explain how planes fly.
He discovered that the principle that the pressure of a fluid decreases when its speed or velocity increase.
This helps to explain that when a plane is speeding up for take off, the faster it goes the less air pressure is exerted on it and therefore the plane is able to 'lift-off' the ground and fly. A plane that does not obtain sufficient speed on the ground, for its size & weight, may not be able to take off successfully

*Source: Wiki.answers.com

Ed's note: I am trying to find the co-relation between flying and perspiration

The monkey on your back is the latest trend...

Juno MacGuff: I think I'm in love with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends?
Juno MacGuff: No... I mean for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard, actually


*Source: IMDB.com

Gone fishing

That is a shot of a fishing pond in Ulu Yam.
Very serene, picturesque and peaceful.
No fish caught though.
Even beer didn't make the bait more enticing.
But never mind, more for us then.

It was a nice weekend out of the city.
A chance to get away from distractions for a while.
Although there were many who asked if I could sit still, an important point during the course of this activity.
I did.
For about half an hour before I started pacing and walking around the pond, making friends with other "fishermen" at this particular pond.
Even the owner who stopped by to ask if we had any luck mentioned that sitting still and waiting is crucial.

A more important lesson then.
All good things come for people who waited.
After six beers, four cigars and countless cigarettes......
Well, at least the beautiful drive home made up for the lack of catch..

Quick fixes

1. No, I do not feel pressured to get married.
2. Yes, I enjoy my books on religion and Obama's Audacity of Hope
3. No, I can't buy a house because I do not want to live in fear
4. Yes, I only spent four months in Singapore.
5. Yes, I can lunch alone.
6. Yes, I am human underneath it all.
7. No, I do not enjoy mall-ing.
8. Yes I like children but I can't afford them in my life now.
9. Yes, I am looking at my options.
10. Yes, I miss debates about the US elections, China's PR crisis and the narrow minded West sentiments.

Just

*Source: a beautiful revolution

Doppelganger lurks..

a ghostly double of a living person that haunts its living counterpart..



*source: various

*reaction: eh?

Words from a true genius....

"korupsi, opresi, obsesi, diri... polusi..dipresi... di bumi kini..."
"tokleh tehe... nak minum anchor"

Sometimes..

just sometimes, I don't know what to do with myself..

Any suggestions?

s.t.o.p.

Read a good book.

Smell the flowers.

Take time off (from) myself.

Time to listen, Sus.

Talking about everything and nothing

It does not have to be Confucius' Golden Mean's rule.

It can just be singing a tune out of the Marines' song, the one with Tripoli in it.

It does not have to be about heavy questions on the discrepancies in China and Burma's regimes.

It can be just about laughing about Rick Astley's silly jig in his one hit wonder music video. No I am not repeating it here.

I miss it. That.

I am NOT going to write you a love song..

*bounces about in rhythm..*

Head under water
And they tell me to breathe easy for a while, the breathing gets harder, even I know that
You made room for me but it’s too soon to see, If I’m happy in your hands

I’m unusually hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me
I’m not gonna write you a love song
’cause you asked for it
’cause you need one, you see

I’m not gonna write you a love song
’cause you tell me it’s
Make or breaking this
If you’re on your way
I’m not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I’m gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I’m trying to let you hear me as I am

I’m not gonna write you a love song
’cause you asked for it
’cause you need one, you see
I’m not gonna write you a love song
’cause you tell me it’s
Make or breaking this
If you’re on your way
I’m not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I’m gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you’ll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
’cause I believe there’s a way you can love me
Because I say
I won’t write you a love song
’cause you asked for it
’cause you need one, you see

I’m not gonna write you a love song
’cause you tell me it’s make or breaking this
Is that why you wanted a love song
’cause you asked for it
’cause you need one, you see
I’m not gonna write you a love song
’cause you tell me it’s make or breaking this
If you’re on your way
I’m not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don’t want it for a minute
Babe, I’ll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There’s a reason to
Write you a love song today

*Thank you Sarah Bareilles, for putting a smile on my days.

FEAR

Break out of it..

"This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime..."

from Bridges of Madison County...

I was reminded of this sad love story, of conflicted love and restrained romance.

Painful, heart wrenching, but beautiful just the same.

The idea then is to cherish, embrace and accept, that life's kinks makes it more meaningful.

Angry journalists..

Haha.

A simple, dressed down website where journalists/media practitioners gather to vent.

Nothing flamboyant about it, can't blame the host, since users spend hours decorating pages, web pages and prettying up television packages.

Check it out on the blogroll.

And, we wonder why we are so grumpy all the time?

Heh.

You know who you are...

Drew: - I thought you were in Hawaii.
- What's this?

Claire "When cremation is your preference."
I just got some brochures
I want you all to look at.

(And these are some choice of urns... available here
at the Cave Hill Cemetery.
You can take them home and...You can look at those brochures and...
Y'all can look at those, take those home with you.)

Whatever makes you happy.
We are shopping for an urn.
(And you can pick this up tomorrow immediately following the procedure.)

The Jim Morrison of Kentucky.

Drew: You're kind of great, Claire.
You do know that.

- Sort of amazing, even.

Claire: Oh, come on!
- I don't need an ice cream cone.

- It's not an ice cream cone.

Drew: What's an ice cream cone?


Claire: You know.
"Here's a little something to make you happy. "Something sweet that melts in five minutes."

I'm completely cool with anything you want to say or not say.

I don't need it.

Besides, Ben is coming in tomorrow.
- Do you want to hear my theory?

Drew:- Of course.

Claire:-You and I have a special talent, and I saw it immediately.

Drew:-Tell me.

Claire:-We're the substitute people.

The substitute people.

I've been the substitute person my whole life.

I'm not an Ellen.

I never wanted to be an Ellen.

And I'm not a Cindy, either.
Although Chucks love me.

I'm sure they do.

I like being alone too much.

I mean, I'm with a guy who's married to his academic career.

I rarely see him.
And I'm the substitute person there.

I like it that way. It's a lot less pressure.

Here.

Play this for the loudest kid in the world.

Drew:-I'm not used to girls like you.

Claire:-That's because I'm one of a kind.

Drew:-You don't have to make a joke.

I like you without the jokes.

Claire:-Get some sleep.

I have a personnel interview tomorrow morning...

and if I get transferred, Ben will die.
Didn't it just feel better...
that we just didn't
do something impulsive?

- I mean...
- Yes.

Now we actually have a shot at being friends...

for the rest of our lives.
The rest of our lives.


*Excerpt from Elizabethtown... thank you to patient fans who transcribed the entire movie script.

I was about to..

Give it up..

and give it up..

I will smile, I deserve better..

I love my life.... celebrating my daily anniversaries...:)

I've learnt.. and I'm still learning..

Gems are rare, but when found, are cherished..
Love crosses all boundaries with no discriminations...

Quiet time teaches calmness...
Sincerity exists, rare, once found, exists wholeheartedly...

And letting go is the hardest, once achieved, liberates the soul...

Short time I've been out of my comfort zone. And the neighbours have heard me talking to myself, from the times I've walked home, and the times I let off steam within the four walls.

I have grown (hopefully) a little wiser, a little older (gulp).. to love a little more..

Having lost someone dear before you lose the zone, I must say, makes you grow up.

I've found that the uncontrollable tears will stop once you learn to breathe, slower, and calmer..

I've also found that the idiosyncracies are similar, the whines no different and the colours of culture ever so beautiful.

My initial feelings of angst and distaste, fizzle (not completely), after I learn to stop, look and go..

I've learnt that bonds I share are ever so strong and the strength of new ones grow each day.

I thank the forces that be, the support, and the love around me, for teaching me and showing me.

Learn from the good. Leave the bad.

And, if I turned back the clock to do it again? I would say a resounding yes.

There is a sense of appreciation and love I have for the beings, things, smells and touches around me.

I love it.

The morning after...

Nomination Day of the Malaysian general elections.

Strange. Your body tells you to sleep. Your mind is too tired to.

My comrade is mixing red bull and carbonated drinks. I worry.

My other is suffering from heatstroke.

Day two.. Phew.

Democracy lives! (hopefully).

It's 2am.

Salty pillows don't exactly make good companions.
But you make do with what you have.

It can be cold.... But I've learnt to make it warmer.
I've been dismissed many times..... I learn to take it tougher.

I've ceased explaining.... And replying to the cordials..
I'd rather be real about reality.

Not pretend that it is warm and fuzzy.

I only stay up because I have trouble resting.
I don't worry but I don't want addiction.

Only way I find help.... Is first, to help myself.