Ringing in my head..

I was feeling depressed last week. Not often I admit it here, usually disguised in some other forms of words.
I know the usual reasons but last week, there was a new element. Death.

I don't deal with it well. Who would. I don't know. I just felt my legs heavier than usual. Plodding along the hours of the day. Felt detached and out of focus. Maybe I was tired too. I don't know. Who knows. But not morbid. Just heavy.

I do want to apologise here to those close to me that had to see this side (again?). I don't mean to snap or to lash or to unload endlessly. I am truly and sincerely sorry if I hurt. I wish I have better outlets. Here. Maybe. I don't want to be complicated. I don't know.

I often associate moods with music or music with moods. I found her again after a decade of not listening to her music.

"Wake Up"

You like snow but only if it's warm
You like rain but only if it's dry
No sentimental value to the rose that fell on your floor
No fundamental excuse for the granted I'm taken for

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you

You like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
And you sit...and you wait...to receive
There's an abvious attraction
To the path of least resistance in your life
There's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistance
Could make you try tonight

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you to you to you to you to you...
There's no love no money no thrill anymore

There's an apprehensive naked little trembling boy
With his head in his hands
There's an underestimated and impatient little girl
Raising her hand

But it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you, to you

get up get up get up off of it
get up get up get up off of it
get out get outta here enough already
get up get up get up off of it
wake up

*Thank you, Alanis Morrissette, Jagged Little Pill