Ringing in my head..

I was feeling depressed last week. Not often I admit it here, usually disguised in some other forms of words.
I know the usual reasons but last week, there was a new element. Death.

I don't deal with it well. Who would. I don't know. I just felt my legs heavier than usual. Plodding along the hours of the day. Felt detached and out of focus. Maybe I was tired too. I don't know. Who knows. But not morbid. Just heavy.

I do want to apologise here to those close to me that had to see this side (again?). I don't mean to snap or to lash or to unload endlessly. I am truly and sincerely sorry if I hurt. I wish I have better outlets. Here. Maybe. I don't want to be complicated. I don't know.

I often associate moods with music or music with moods. I found her again after a decade of not listening to her music.

"Wake Up"

You like snow but only if it's warm
You like rain but only if it's dry
No sentimental value to the rose that fell on your floor
No fundamental excuse for the granted I'm taken for

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you

You like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
And you sit...and you wait...to receive
There's an abvious attraction
To the path of least resistance in your life
There's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistance
Could make you try tonight

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you to you to you to you to you...
There's no love no money no thrill anymore

There's an apprehensive naked little trembling boy
With his head in his hands
There's an underestimated and impatient little girl
Raising her hand

But it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you, to you

get up get up get up off of it
get up get up get up off of it
get out get outta here enough already
get up get up get up off of it
wake up

*Thank you, Alanis Morrissette, Jagged Little Pill

Tears

She gave me a tight hug that evening when I dropped in. I heard her crying when she called me two days before and my heart went out to her. I am a big softie and also a big coward.
Her son survived a bad accident and is recuperating. I pray for his recovery.

I pray too that my grandmother is comfortable. Her 94-year-old frail body should not be pricked with tubes, wound with bandage and tightened with discomfort.

I am not the best granddaughter in the world and I do not know if I would be able handle it when it comes, as I remininsce the times she scolded me for disobeying her or when she effortlessly sorted out my dinner menu during my terrible tantrums.

Is it not human nature to reflect during times like this, I believe so. The long conversations about ex boyfriends and the skeletons in the closet that she revealed to me at the kitchen table.

I cried when I left the hospital one evening thinking about these memories. I suppose again, is it not human to feel?

She was there when I was fooled into believing a stranger, she was there when I was missed the bus home from kindergarten. She walked me home from school and stayed up with me to watch The Love Boat.

I tear. I cry. I want to be there too.

Idle minds ... Idle hands..

I'm not a big fan of waiting, no one is .. One night at a celebration of sorts, the gang grouped up to participate in it. Two hours before the event starts, we had plenty time to goof around.
Scroll for the colours of the night... bwahaha.

It starts with small talk, daydreams and wishes that the food will be served soon..








'


Then some say waiting can make you go mad....








So when two angelic faces pose for candid shots..









The two devils will be up to no good..








* Photos courtesy of candid pixman Yeow Pooi Ling

We interrupt this programme..

*Source: www.wellingtongrey.net

Who you gonna call...

Ghostbusters!

I certainly was tickled pink with that line. For those who remember this series, and theme song, you'd better be chuckling in happy memory or groaning in embarassment (!). I love the movie, cartoon series, song and more importantly, people who remember it with me.

One can always let their hair down, at least once in a while, keep the sanity in them, and what better than to "sing" down memory lane. Some snaps from this moment shared with equally crazy 80s kids... scroll...

But when you think about it, at least for those who remember, if lyrics for catchy songs in the 80s (I grew up with Solid Gold and Top of the Pops, ok) were derived from life moments, pains and giggles rolled into a rhythmic dance or a melancholic croon, then life then (or earlier) is really that simple?

Words and meanings for song sentences didn't sound too complicated, lyrics were sad but not broody, they were fun and straightforward. I am really not thaaaat old, but find that the top hits today are filled with angst, anger, revenge, pain, hurt, bubblegum talk, maybe I read too much or too little into it?

The gyrating hips, the skin, the "I do not care I do as I please" attitude, certainly did not exist during the NKOTB (ahem) days or days when Madonna adorned three layers of clothing in her rendition of "Like a Virgin".

Perhaps there is Darwinian-type theory that can explain this, evolution of songs, evolution of social behaviour, trends, culture and the like.

As much as my peers may disagree, whichever way the trend goes, I still hold dear to.... the running man move, shoulder moves, and jumps that goes with..
The Right Stuff!

(Admit it.... you had the stickers too...:))

*Pictures courtesy of avid photographer, singer and 80's music fan

Day Four

Woke up with a cough today.. *cough* *cough*.

Focus...

noun
1. the concentration of attention or energy on something; "the focus of activity shifted to molecular biology"; "he had no direction in his life"
2. maximum clarity or distinctness of an image rendered by an optical system; "in focus"; "out of focus"
3. maximum clarity or distinctness of an idea; "the controversy brought clearly into focus an important difference of opinion"
4. a central point or locus of an infection in an organism; "the focus of infection"
5. special emphasis attached to something; "the stress was more on accuracy than on speed" [syn: stress]
6. a point of convergence of light (or other radiation) or a point from which it diverges
7. a fixed reference point on the concave side of a conic section

verb
1. direct one's attention on something; "Please focus on your studies and not on your hobbies" [syn: concentrate]
2. cause to converge on or toward a central point; "Focus the light on this image" [ant: blur]
3. bring into focus or alignment; to converge or cause to converge; of ideas or emotions [syn: concenter]
4. become focussed or come into focus; "The light focused" [ant: blur]
5. put (an image) into focus; "Please focus the image; we cannot enjoy the movie" [ant: blear]

WordNet® 3.0, © 2006 by Princeton University.

My current addiction.

For now. 14 hours and counting.